As coaches, especially newer coaches, we spend a lot of time thinking about what we are doing. Are we structuring the session well? Are our questions good enough? Are we hearing the themes? The focus is very much on making sure we are doing a good enough job, for our coachees.
Let’s spend some time thinking about the coaching experience from the perspective of the coachee. Clearly, everyone has a slightly different experience so we may have to generalise a bit. But understanding what is likely to be going on for a coachee at each point in the coaching arrangement can be very helpful for all of us coaches.
What it feels like to be a first-time coachee
Let’s put ourselves in the coachee’s shoes for a moment. They have just agreed to have some coaching. Perhaps a recommendation from a friend. Or an offer from a coach in training to have some free sessions. Or they have sought a coach out “because everyone seems to be having coaching these days”.
How may they feel at these early moments? There are probably a few dualities: nervous/excited, enthusiastic/cautious, trusting/suspicious. It is not surprising that there is such a range of feelings going on for our new coachee.
Even though coaching is “only” two people having a chat, it is likely to be quite different from most things people have experienced before. And all the explanations, the leaflets and the introductory moments can’t replace the actual experience of being coached.
The settling stage: contracting and taster sessions
Most coaches do some sort of contracting. Either a full contracting session, mapping out some goals and topics, and discussing how they’ll work together. Or perhaps a “try before you buy” taster coaching session.
This can help to settle the nerves of coachees, reduce any suspicious thoughts, and let the coachee relax into the experience.
It is important at this stage for the coach to give as true as possible an experience of coaching as possible, even if only for a few minutes. In contracting, for example, the coach can spend 5 or 10 minutes exploring the coachee’s goals, ask some follow up questions and help the coachee take ownership of the goals. That simple act can often be enough to break down many barriers.
What happens in the first coaching session
The first full coaching session is likely to be a significant moment. At this point the coachee will be able to see a few things: that the coach is not busy trying to offer solutions or give answers; that it is the coachee’s own topics that will be explored; that the focus of the conversation is 100% on them.
And it is this last one that can make the biggest difference. In almost every other conversation in life, our coachee would be able to deflect the attention from themselves to the other person: “That’s enough about me. How about you – how are you doing?”
For many, this is a wonderful moment of realisation that it is truly their time and space. And for others, the slightly shocking realisation that there isn’t really anywhere to hide.
The end of first session check in “how are you feeling?” will give you some insights as to where your coachee is at on the continuum just described. If you want to think more about how to set up that first conversation well, have a read of how to start a coaching conversation.
Returning for session two
Most coaches tend to check in with their coachee about the actions they took away to do. The intention is always for it to feel like a helpfully supportive process, exploring what they did well and what they learnt. Coachees generally respond positively to this stage. And even if they haven’t completed their actions, a skilful coach will help them navigate and identify any learnings from that, without any judgement.
So the returning coachee can feel relieved that they haven’t been judged, excited that they have completed their actions, and ready to get stuck into the next topic. This isn’t always the case, but if we are going to put a general and positive bias to things, that is what we are likely to see.
The flow of ongoing sessions
Once the coaching is in full flow, a coachee is likely to experience the same ups and downs as with any other powerful learning experience. One of the myths of learning is that it looks like this:
The idea that we simply incrementally improve. Anyone who has learnt a language, a sport, a technical skill knows that this isn’t true. It looks a bit more like this:
We eventually get there, but there can be lots of ups and downs along the way. And it’s the same with coaching.
In some sessions, coachees are likely to leave with renewed energy, focus and a plan. And in others, coachees may leave deeply reflective, a little unsure or shaken. It is on us, as coaches, to help them manage and to be ok with the uncertainty of it all. One of the most useful tools we have at those moments is simply giving the coachee time and space to think – something we wrote about in our post on the power of pausing in coaching.
The work between sessions
Once the coaching programme is in full flow, the coachee will most likely settle into a flow of having the coaching sessions, reflecting between sessions and taking action, and coming back to the next session to review their actions.
It is the work that is done between sessions that can be particularly valuable. Some coachees get enthusiastic and stuck into their actions. And others may put all thoughts of coaching to one side until 5 minutes before their next session. But even if not working on their coaching topics consciously, it is likely that most coachees are still mulling over their issues, coaching themselves a bit, and making progress.
Finishing the coaching
It is common for coachees to report plenty of positive outcomes from their topic. Improvements in their focus, their wellbeing, their productivity, their relationships – whatever was the presenting topic that they brought. And finishing the coaching gives a sense of completeness, that they are now ready to either leave these topics alone, or to keep working on them themselves. In either case, the end of the coaching marks a significant point in time for our coachees.
What’s your coachee experience like?
I hope that this generalised road map of the coachee experience is useful for you. But don’t take my word for it – test it out yourself. Perhaps check in with your coachees and see what they tell you. And compare it with a fellow coach, and with what I mapped out. And then see how that helps you proactively manage the coachee experience.
Coaching is a skill that develops with practice, reflection and good training. If you want to build your confidence as a coach, take a look at our ILM coaching qualifications or get in touch to find out which programme might suit you.
