Do you slander your own memory? Say things like “Of course, as I get older, my memory gets worse?” Most people do. And yet…. memory doesn’t have to deteriorate with time. And coaches really benefit from having great memories. They hold onto information without having to take notes. They remember things from session to session.
To find out more about being prepared for your coaching sessions, you can read this blog post I wrote.
And they draw out long forgotten information from the subconscious.
So, let’s look at how coaches can develop their memory and use it well, to benefit their coaching and their coachees.
Memory can be improved
There is this great myth about memory champions. That they somehow have photographic memories. Or that they are savants. Or highly intelligent. None of these is necessarily true. Most memory champions rely on one sole thing – technique. And techniques can be learnt. The reason that some people can remember the order of a shuffled deck of cards in 30 seconds, or Pi to hundreds of places, is because of technique.
And at the everyday level, there is plenty of evidence to show that working memory can be improved. A simple programme of activities, coupled with some self-belief, can see memory improved within days.
There are two main reasons, I think, that people believe their memories are getting worse:
Because generally people don’t get taught memory techniques. Before the invention of the printing press, memory was the only way to access information, and so techniques were taught. Not any more.
Most of us lose our keys, glasses and phones. And so, we assume that we have poor memories. But losing our keys has nothing to do with memory – it is about not being attentive when we put our keys down. No one ever put their keys down in a random place and then said, out loud “I am leaving my keys in this random place”.
So, when reading this article, suspend all negative judgement about your memory, if you can.
How is memory useful in coaching?
The most obvious thing is that we will be able to recall, in the moment, things said in the coaching session without having to look at notes. We may be able to hang onto a key word that our coachee said, or an expression they used earlier on in the session. And we may also remember the question that occurred to us to ask. Rather than repeating the question in our heads like some sort of coaching mantra, the question can just embed in our memory, ready to be retrieved. If we can do this, and trust that we will be remembering much of what is said, we can relax, be fully present and give our attention to the coachee.
I explore this properly in a blog post I wrote on the power of pausing in coaching.
It is also helpful in recalling previous sessions. If a coachee is using a word consistently, session by session, we are likely to remember it. It’s the minor details that the coachee says in previous sessions where we can really add value.
If the coachee is describing a relationship with a colleague in this session, think about how useful it can be if you remember most of what they said about the colleague two sessions ago. That can make a huge difference.
And finally, it’s helpful when preparing for sessions. Try this. If you have an upcoming coaching session and you last coached this person a month or two ago. Before looking at your notes, recall everything that you can from that last session. What the coachee was wearing. What you were wearing. The small talk. The feelings. The topic and the actions, of course. And any other minor details. Write it down. And see how much you remember.
Memory approaches to use in coaching
Recently I ran a 2 x ½ day training session for coaching about memory approaches for coaches. The first session was devoted to learning and understanding memory techniques. And the second session focussed on the application of the techniques in the coaching environment. Here are a few extracts.
Always on techniques
These are not directly memory skills, but impact greatly in how we remember what has been said.
Presence. Timothy Gallwey in The inner game of tennis writes of relaxed alertness. That’s a great description of how to be in the coaching session. Very attentive and alert. But relaxed enough to let all the information sink in.
Outward attention more than inward attention. Like listening to the radio in a foreign language that you are learning. Hearing the information coming in, letting it flow over you, not trying to remember it, but trusting that hearing it will be enough for it to be recalled.
Activating techniques
Make an association. When a coachee says something that you definitely want to remember, conjure up an image in your mind’s eye. It may be a literal description of what they are saying. Or it may be something more symbolic. Either way, the image gives a better chance of it passing into your long or mid-term memory.
Repeat a word to hear it out loud and embed it. As coaches, we learn to summarise for the benefit of the coachee, to let them know we have heard them and to help make sense of their monologue. And we can also use a summary as a way of embedding the memory. Nothing wrong with that. Perhaps to frame it, say something like “so, to help me remember what you said….” then summarise.
Finger taps. If a few significant things are coming my way, I quickly say the first word or theme in my mind, then tap my thumb on my leg. That way, I am associating the first word onto my thumb, figuratively “pegging” the word to my thumb. If another key theme is said, I repeat but using my first finger. And so on.
This method, sometimes known as dual coding, means that I have the image both in my memory and associated with my finger. I find it helps. See what you think.
There are many more techniques available and that are well worth learning. Do get in touch if you would like to learn more – I plan on repeating the memory course about once a year (insert your own joke about “if you remember” here).
Final words
I love memory techniques and have used them and taught them, on and off, since about my 20s. They have many, many uses in both personal and professional life, and I encourage all coaches to learn a few. At the very least, the background approach of full attention gives us the best chance of remembering more. And memory, like many other things that I write about, are simply things that can be learnt. I hope you are up for learning.
Happy coaching, and happy memorising.
