Recently I was running a workshop about student wellbeing for a group of school leaders. A great question occurred to me, so I asked it. “If you had a magic day, a free day on the timetable and you could teach your students anything, what would you teach them?”
I expected answers like being a more resilient student; bouncing back from failure; self-motivation. The answers they gave were somewhat different: card tricks, water skiing, and even wine tasting!
What went wrong? Firstly, my expectations. I asked a question expecting that the respondents would see it in the same way that I did – as an opportunity to focus on a study skill, rather than a life skill (wine tasting?!). Secondly, that there was definitely, in my head, a “right” and a “wrong” answer.
And it is the same in coaching. If we ask questions because we can see an answer and are listening for that answer, chances are we are going to be disappointed.
What are coaching questions for?
This takes us to consider what the purpose of questions is in a coaching session. To get to the root cause, some say. So that the client can’t avoid taking action, others say. Or simply to hear the facts and details, yet others say.
Our view is that questions are the wind for a kite, or the sharpener for a pencil. On their own, they don’t have an impact, but when brought together they may make something special happen.
If we were to give an overall purpose of a coaching question, it would be to raise awareness for the coachee. To help them see what they can’t currently see. To think what they don’t currently think. To believe what they don’t currently believe. If you’re thinking about the session as a whole, read our post on how to start a coaching conversation.
And how do we help people raise their awareness? By questions that are best suited for right now. Listen to all the alarm ringtones on your phone. Some you may enjoy hearing, as they are gentle. Some are too gentle, and you will sleep through them. And others are too harsh and will grate. As with ringtones, so with questions. The right question, asked in the right way, at the right time, may yield enormous benefit for your coachee.
What makes a bad coaching question?
The title of this blog is somewhat ironic. Of course, there are bad coaching questions. Just like there are bad questions by interviewers, by managers, friends or parents. Some rules of what makes a bad question are:
- We didn’t listen to what was said so asked something irrelevant or that had already been answered
- It was complicated or confusing
- There is judgement or assumption
- We are leading to a specific answer that we want
- It is delivered in an unhelpful, untimely and unclear way
That’s a relief, getting that list out. These are things to watch out for – coaches tend to be kind and caring people, so the above list often happens accidentally, rather than out of malice. I’ll write more about these in another blog.
Should coaches use pre-set lists of questions?
Some coaching experts suggest that a list of questions is to be followed, in sequence, to get the coachee to the heart of the matter. Simply follow the iceberg to go deep or ask why five times in a row to make sure there is no escape. No denying that this is a technique, and it may yield results. But it is a technique rather than a fluid skill.
I once was a coachee and the coach was using the Logical Levels of Change. He had a pre-set list of questions, taking me through these logical levels, from my behaviour all the way through to my identity. I hated it! The questions were predictable, I could see them coming, and so I dug in and resisted them.
Lists of pre-set questions aren’t skilful, nor tailored. And that is what we train coaches to be – skilful and able to personalise.
Good coaches have a catalogue of questions, and they know which to use at which times. Great coaches may have a few questions, but mostly they trust that, in the moment, the right, helpful question will emerge, and it will be that question that will serve the client best.
Examples of pre-set questions
Recently I was sent a list of questions, that were labelled as “incisive”. The intention of these questions is to deepen the coachee’s awareness and have them go deep. Have a look at them and see what you think. Which do you like, and which would you not be caught dead asking? My view is after the list!
- If you knew you could do it, what would the first step be?
- If you knew that everyone believed you were trustworthy, what would you do?
- If you knew that you had all of the skills necessary, what is the first thing you would do?
- If you could accomplish anything in your life, what would it be?
- If you were not afraid, what would you do?
- If you began to care more about yourself rather than what other people think of you, how would you feel/what would you do?
- If you weren’t holding anything back, what would you be doing?
- If you knew you had the ability/intelligence, what would you be doing?
- If you had to tell that person that you love very much that you have only 6 months to live, what would you say to them?
- If you could make one change in your work/home life today, what would that be?
- If you knew you were good enough/attractive enough, what would change for you?
- If you knew you were worth it, what would you want?
- If you had 50% more confidence in yourself, what would you be doing/what would be different?
- If you knew you were a leader, what would you be leading?
- For things to be perfect, what would have to change?
- If you knew that your children were taken care of in all aspects, what would you do with the rest of your life?
- If you could change something in your environment, what would you change?
- If you knew that spirituality was not necessarily attached to religion, what would you do?
- If you knew that change was painless and easy, what would you change about yourself?
- If you knew that decision-making was easy, what immediate decision would you make?
The questions on this list have the intention of removing the barrier of negative self-talk or negative beliefs. Essentially, they are “if you believed 100% in yourself, your environment, everyone and everything around you, what would you do differently?”
I do like the intention of helping people move beyond their thinking. What I don’t like is the idea that the questioner can simply remove the obstacle, and the coachee will be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Nor do I like the judgement implied in some of the questions. I also don’t like that most of the answers given would need some skilful follow up to help the coachee see how to do what they say they could do. It feels like a bit of a set up!
Trust your questioning skills
In our coach training, we do discuss and provide good questions for using. But more than that, we help people become skilled questioners. The ability to generate or access the useful question in the moment is far more important than the ability to remember a list of pre-set questions. And as great questioners, coaches can then look at any list, and identify the few good questions amongst the many not so good ones.
If you were stimulated by this article and want to know more about how to use coaching for your career, your organisation or your life generally, then get in contact or book in a time for a 30-minute phone or Zoom call.
